All the news the New York Times "forgot" - to print

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Snow Monsters and Blogger ethics...

This guy below looks like one of the Sox's pitchers after throwing against the "Tough Toronto Blue Jays”... Check out this, and this...

Actually what happened was one morning I woke up and saw this thing walking up to the house. I guess you could say very stiffly and slowly trudging towards the house. Realizing that this 'thing' could be a blog worthy story, but still not sure whether I should open the door and brave the outdoors to see, I bravely decided to face the music - and after arming myself with a pot of boiling water, (how else do you defend yourself from snow monsters?) and camera; Out I go. With my country standing behind me (I hope...) in this search of the unknown. To go, where none has gone. To see, what has been hidden for the ages! To - What?

Just as I was thinking those thoughts, this "Thing" spoke up and said in a morbid tone "how about dumping that pail of water over me so I can see where I'm going fool!"

"Of course," I said rationally. "But you see, I'm a blogger. And my blogger code of ethics says that I must have something to write about -"

The "Thing broke in. "And I, who has been wandering through the woods for days and nights without food, drink, or shelter must wait yet another minute out in this horrendous weather? While thou take’st pictures and other foolishness?"

Holding myself back from simply turning around, and going back inside my comfy home and leaving this rude intruder to sort out his own ways was a struggle. "Sir," I asked. "Have I not done enough already? Did I come out here for my own comfort or pleasure? Nay, it was out of the compassion of my heart and the softness of my soul that I came... Not for money, or fame. Simply for you benefit. And now thou does assail me for but wanting to take a simple picture? Repent and I may still -"

I never finished my sermon. The “Thing” for some reason seemed to lose it’s sense of self control and came lumbering towards me a speed I had not thought little it could attain. It didn’t say anything now. It just ran - at me. Steam started to rise from the creature as it lumbered yet faster and faster... and then just as I began to see just what it was - it was on top of me...

Don’t ask me how I got the picture… If you did I would have to tell you that I didn’t take it at all… And if I told you that, this story would have to be false (!)… But since you don’t know that information, I’m safe…

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

"It looks to be a boisterous finish indeed!" Joe Buck bombastically said...

It looks to be a close and exciting race going down the stretch. It would be good to see America’s team win and the Sox’s finish penultimate in the wild card race… and there’s no second place spot in the wild card. To put it in less grandiloquence terms, I want the Yank’s and Tribe to win spots, and John Kerry’s team to be left home to ponder the sayings of the Zen or something… Most of you probably won’t know this, (and if you do, how come?) but I was born in the Aviation state, Ohio. And I was there to root for them in their finest hour when they had Jim Thome, Kenny Lofton, Matt Williams, Manny before the hair…etc. Those days seem antediluvian now, but as a neophyte fan it broke my heart to see them lose the World Series (1997). It would be great to see them win one. Maybe this year…

But going back to John Kerry’s team. Who knows? Maybe if they skip the postseason this year they can rebuild their image from being a normal ostentatious, happy go lucky ball club to a more iconoclast team. Perhaps a stiffer, tough guy, don’t you dare step across our plate type of team. Sort of like the Pittsburg Pirates… You know, they should hire some 300 pound’s plus guys to guard the plate against incoming slides. Maybe the obstreperous David Wells could be the official spokesperson for the team. Make everyone shave their heads bald (?). Dump Joe and Jerry and replace them with Japanese log racing sportscasters?…

{Not eveyone enjoys the baseball season}

Or make them NSRL sportscasters… You of course I’m sure know that NSRL stands for National Snail Racing League. It’s a nation wide sport which some ‘top’ (as in “We have top men looking over the ark” IJatLA) sports commentators swear by as the hottest sport in the country, and for that matter around the globe…

For the record: For those of you that think I am a baseball fanatic, let me tell you some enlightening news. For this whole baseball season, I have wasted less then 3 hours watching the Sox or Yanks on the tube. In this ere, that must be a world record…

Saturday, September 24, 2005

"Let it snow, let it snow..." What! (?)

Summer is over: But that’s ok, because it’s hard to blog when your brain is being cooked by the 130 temperatures. But for memories sake, and your enjoyment, I give to you a look back through some of the summer’s best pictures which I have not already posted on my blog… For more great pix's of Laid Back New England.

Just as a note. I have begun to hear a lot of seriously out of season Christmas music in the last two weeks or so. Come on guys! Wait at least till Thanksgiving...

Was Rhode Island named after Greece?

The Island of Rhodes (in blue, left) bears a striking resemblance to Rhode Island's Aquidneck Island (right)

Wikipedia has an fascinating take on why the "Rhode" is in the Rhode Island's name:

The state's common name, Rhode Island, actually refers to the largest island in Narragansett Bay, also known as Aquidneck Island, on which the city of Newport is located. The origin of the name is unclear. Some historians think that Italian explorer Giovanni da Verrazzano, upon discovering Block Island, just southwest in the Atlantic Ocean, named it Rhode Island because of its similarity in shape to the Greek island of Rhodes. Later settlers, mistaking which island Verrazzano was referring to, gave the name to Aquidneck Island instead. Other historians believe that the name is derived from Roodt Eylandt, Dutch for "red island," given to the island by Dutch explorer Adriaen Block due to the red clay on the island's shore.

Katrina and Rita Rhyme!

For those of you who haven't noticed yet, Katrina and Rita rhyme. But why?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

To eat, or to not to eat: That is the menu…

It was a normal beautiful morning in Laid Back New England as I ostentatiously walked into the dining room searching for victuals and drink. To my surprise, I found that the girls tutor, Ms Woods, was in the kitchen cooking an egg for my non-studious two year old sister (just so you can get an idea of this sister of mine, her favorite activity is to sneak up behind one of her siblings and pinch their ears…). What I heard next is burned into my memory forever.

“Here’s your eggy” said Ms Woods as she plopped it on her plate. My sister poked it with her fork to make sure it was thoroughly dead. And after doing so grunted approval and began to munch, chew, and digest ravenously.

Being so shocked at the episode, it took me a minute to regain my composure. And after doing so I inquired as to why my sister was eating a baby chicken. One that had not even had a chance at life, one that would never fly, fight, or do the things that chickens do. The answer was mostly in hushed tones, I suppose it was that way to hide the fact from my dubious sister that she was eating a murdered chicken. Deciding that all this issue should be brought up to her attention I matter of factly asked her “So __, how’s your dead chicky taste?

“Mmmmmm, berrrry gooood,” was her horrifying answer…

I thought my family was pro-life, but now I know...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

"Booo hurricane! Go home! shooo..."

Now I understand that most of my readers are most likely right leaning when it comes to politics, so I ask that you not be offended by my omission that I believe pres. Bush was responsible for anything bad that happened due to hurricane Katrina. In fact, I think he could have stopped Katrina by utilizing some of my ideas. There’s no excuse for not being able to stop a little hurricane, period. When you’re the president you’re supposed to be able to do anything, and everything. (I haven't been talking seriously, but don’t they usually promise to do everything to become president in the first place? Cut taxes, raise taxes, reform this, reform that, esc). Anyways, this is how I would have done it, and how pres. Bush should have stopped the monster.

6 ways Bush could have stopped Katrina:

1: He could have had Howard Dean scream at it.

2: He could have had the New Orleans Mayor dress up like Charles Heston (Moses) and wave his staff at the storm to frighten it away.

3: He could have promised to lower CO2 emissions

4: He possibly could have had Indiana Jones lasso it away from the gulf coast with his versatile bull whip (which of course he always carries with him).

5: He most certainly could have dropped a nuke on it. Although this might contradict with number three…

6: And finally, He could have used the school buses to strengthen the levies…

Hey, my brother just asked me a great question, so I'll give it to you too. What Book of the Bible introduces 'modern language'? Try to figure it out on your own. I'll post the answer on the comment section later tonight.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Congress at the bat?

Ever since baseball has come in force back to Washington D.C in the way of the Washington Nationals, the new congress has been using a lot of baseball terminology – most recently in the John Roberts nomination process. As of last Wednesday according to drudge report, the word ‘umpire’ was used at the minimal 30 times.
Moving on to my tirade for the day...

We all know for a fact that John Kerry is a fanatical Red Sox fan (he can name players I didn’t even know played for them such as Manny Ortiz). And he proved his fidelity by claming that he would rather win the 2004 pres. election then witness the Sox win a world series. As you can see - loyalty at its apex. May the Red Sox ever have such faithful and devoted fans as he…

But he’s not their only notable fan. I also know that screaming Howard also clams to be a Sox fan, as well as Teddy Kennedy. Stephen King, the noted writer of children’s stories, is one of the Red Nation as well. My point? Red Sox = Lib’s and Horror stories. And even the most optimistic soul can see, the Sox are the provably fly paper for the latter.

Good luck in making the playoffs Boston

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

You might not want to do that...

A couple of days ago, Saturday night to be exact, my brother was strangling me for imitating Shift the ape from the famed Chronicles of Narnia. In which he (Shift) has this line that says "Now I hear some of you saying I'm an ape. Well, that’s not true! I'm a man! And if I look like an ape, it’s because I'm sooo old. And because I'm so old - I'm so wise! And because I'm so wise - I'm the only one Aslan will talk too."

Just as I finished my brother said something that amounted to "you lie like an ape!"

(As a note… All you out there who detest and abhor my Narnia from a ‘fair and balance view’ stories should cheer throughout this article for my brother. Who I guess you could say - is taking Aslan’s vengeance out on me.)

Of course being greatly moved by this touching statement of respect, I began to get out of the seat I was perched on, and head out for a strategic redeployment... But I never reached the door...

The next few minutes where a little confusing, as the battle raged back and forth with no clear dominate force in the brotherly scuffle until at last my adversary found my embarrassing weakness - I need to breathe. As he put on his bol-constrictor grip on, I could feel my heart rate slowing and my vision dimming. He still pulled tighter.

For me, literally I began to think in terms of life and death at this moment. I began to wonder if I died, who would update my blog? And other deep and serious thoughts like that.

But just when I thought I could live no longer, I received a second wind! And was able to loosen my opponents grip on me for just enough time to muster my strength, and solemnly warn my brother, "If you kill me. I will sue you for very much money."

The grip loosen 25%...

"Really," He said with a concerned look.

I nodded gravely, "jupp."

He got up, and walked away like a man who had just put all his life savings in Enron stock the day before the crash. I got up, and felt exhilarated! I won’t have to die tonight!.

Now, is that a good enough reason for not updating yesterday?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Dog meets Cat... a true story

The story of the below pictures

Dust flew and tempers raged as a fir-ball raced to save its skin with a dog in close pursuit! There was no time to think, just enough to act as the feline animal dug its paws into a young sapling and clambered up it to momentary safety.

“www… that was close” muttered the cat.

The dog below was berating herself for not timing her pounce soon enough to capture the fir-ball for brunch. “Now listen.” She said sulkily to the treed cat. “If you don’t come down soon, you’ll die of starvation… And if you do come down – you’ll only have to be part of the food chain. Listen, nothing personal, but I do need to eat…”

“Nuts!” the cat cried stridently. “I have not yet begun to fight!”

The dog turned sharply and barked as a human raced over to the scene with a small square thing that reflected light from the sun in his hand. As the human neared, the dog began to pace nervously, with a worried expression painted clearly over its face.

“You are all condemned animals!” The man shouted at the two. “So pose well – and live…”

I had for some reason, been looking out the window when I saw the dog chasing the cat up the tree and immediately, with my tender heart for cats and such, grabbed my camera and leaped to action. I was hoping badly for a good photo op. And a few of them turned out ok. But eventually the feline simply climbed a branch and jumped off. And in so doing, she ended up plunging off small cliff- and was none the worst for it.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

9-11, 2005

The pictures and the stories

Saturday, September 10, 2005

"And representing North Korea..."

Ok. I'm not as bad as to support an evil communist country in the Olympics; however I am not with out a dark sense of humor. A couple of weeks ago I heard from one of my siblings that I would be involved in an homeschooler’s regional Olympics. And I was also informed that my family ( a berry small one) would be representing a country. The first one that came to my mind was Iran, the second in pres. Bush’s Axis of Evil, but however the girls in my family didn’t want to have to race in burkais so alas, Iran was scratched.(!)

A few other countries names floated around for a few thousand second’s until my Machiavellian mind conceived just the right one. The land where no one is overweight, and the clement ideal for running (away from the secret police mostly). The land of the “One Blessed Leader, our Kim Jong-il, the Great provider of a meal a day!.. North Korea. The plot was agreed on by the multitudes and my diabolic plan set.

Saturday morning 8:30 am: Arrive at the Olympic site and after a few apprehensive moments of shaking off a CIA agent that had been shadowing us all morning, returned to the van and snuck out the beloved flag. And of course while dodging too and fro to conceal myself from an
Apache helicopter hovering above strafing where he thought I was, my only concern was to be especially careful not to let its lovely fringes touch the ground.

After bursting through the gate in a zest of zeal, (the area was a no fire zone) I calmly proceed to the sign-in table and gave my name, country and family, and handed the flag to one of my siblings (my fellow countrymen). When the opening ceremony came around we came out after China, so we weren’t alone in our quest for communism.

Now I can’t think of a good end to this story, and to be humble, all we did was to break millions of world records in track and field. But I must say, the greatest lesson I learned from this event was to never underestimate, undervalue, underrate, misjudge, miscalculate, or take too lightly the fact that when you win, that means you didn’t lose…

Friday, September 09, 2005

Red Sox Vs Yankees

David wells vs. Aaron Small, who is always coming through in big ways
The above pix sort of reminds me of the blessed rivalry that the teams blissfully share. I think the closest one is Derek Jeter, and the one holding the bottle of Zip Juice is Curt Schilling. Although he does bear a resemblance of David Wells, or Manny Ramirez for that matter. You see it's 'eve-aolution'. If we all come from chimps and apes or jelly fish or whatever, then there's no reason for them (R.S, Y.) to get out on the field each year and have a good old scrap. All their doing is going back to "their true, pure, animal behavior instincts. Survival of the fittest" (or the guy with the least guys beating him up ratio to the ratio of friends protecting him, which I must say the Bo Sox do very well).

I don't not like the Red Sox. But I don't hate them either. I don't rout for them to lose just because their the red sox. I don't feel all warm and fussy inside when I hear that one of their players is struggling (think Keath Foulke). I want my team to win, and I care less how your team is doing when you’re not playing us. This an’t Europe, where the teams and fans actually loath each other to the point of inflicting bodily harm to each other. This is America, where I cheer for America's team, like an American.

Go Yankees!!!!!!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Raiders Vs. Patriots Season Opener

They should be starting soon. Got to run....But I typed out my prediction for the game a couple of days ago so I could post it here and be made to look like a fool....

Patriots Vs Raiders: Pat’s win 42 to 13. This is going to be their best game of the year. You can expect Correy Dillon to gain at least 130 yards are so on the ground with powerful running to the outside where he’ll brake at least one long one. As for the passing game Tom Brady will throw for 346 yards with three touchdowns, with Deion Branch and Ben Watson being the main targets of the night. The defense will have three picks and one F.R. for touchdown.

Ok, now if any of this comes true then I’ll be a genius. And if it’s all wrong then what do I have to lose? Go Patriots!

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Where's the beef?

I was just thinking about how bad the sports coverage is up here in New England. Especially with the newspapers when it come to football. Every Monday after the game I have a routine of stopping at some gas station to pick up the Boston Globe or Providence Journal; and just about every time I think it's a waste of my 75c's. Top Headline, Study says Middle Schooler's are more at risk of becoming juvenile delinquents then those over 25 who are involved in sports. ‘ O.k… Next', Schilling gets shelled, Red Sox slump in series...

Now at this point I begin to think that there might be a chance that the paper might just have a story or two on the Patriots previous day overtime win on an Adam Vinatieri 60 yard field with the clock clicking down to zip as the ball leaves the ground. This should be a sports writer’s dream of a story come true. At least in most places. Not here. After scanning through another set of miniature headlines (there starting to become face lines now) such as, Dog racing gaining speed in Candia, Man’s dream of sky diving comes true, damage to the turf below the green monster is still being accessed, and many more fibrlous stories of buffoons and thugs that grace the front page, I spot in the corner a microscopic article entitle Pats win yet another tough one. Turn to page C12 for more Pat’s coverage.

Monday, September 05, 2005

The Upshot of Katrina

Whether we like it or not, Hurricane Katrina has shown foreign nations (think China) how vulnerable the U.S. really is to attack. God help us now--we'll need it.

Then again, China has been having its own weather problems.

"Take me to your leader!"

Amanda, my younger sister, clad in her battle gear before she goes to play with the lions.(in really life - cats. Although the latter is safer to fraternize with)

Also refer to Pic. two take me to your leader.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Going Batty.

This is part of an essay I wrote a while ago about a long camping trip my family was forced to embark on when we first moved to ‘laid back New England’. In which, because of the house we were to move into not yet being built, some of my family (inc, I) slept in a 17th century barn. Sounds like fun huua?
"The loft was were we stored (piled) our belongings. It was also Connie’s bedroom; sort of. The first night she tried to sleep in her new bedroom, she was greeted by a family of bats. Which for some strange reason, which we brave adventures could not phantom, terrified her to death. As we tried to sleep in our bedroom, which was attached directly to hers, we suddenly and unexpectedly heard her screaming at the top of her lungs. I didn’t think much of it for a while. ‘Maybe she was just amusing herself with a new type of singing,’ I mused. Peter must not have shared my thoughts because he bolted towered her door the like superman (no relationship). A pitiful scene met our eyes as he flung the door open. There was Connie, sprawled in her bed, covering her head with blankets, pillows, and anything else that could be grabbed as a family of bats hovered and dove above and around her.

Poor Connie: We tried to comfort her by pretending that the bats were just a part of our family. Sort of like cats, except ‘fly cats’. More like rats I thought. “Not all of them eat people” I told her helpfully. It didn’t seem to help.

Peter began to excitingly shout the bats acrobatics’ like an announcer watching the World Series winning home run leave the park. “Now it’s diving!’’ He screamed. “One coming from the right another from the left, will she get hit by one of these brave reptiles!? Oh- Will she get hit... No!(!) They miss by a weasels whiskers...’’ Throughout all of this buss Connie ducked, scrunched, dodged, and held on to her pillow for dear life.

Needless to say Connie slept over at the cabin after that night’s memorial experience. In which she would only have to face five inch fussy spiders and roof shaking rats.

What a wonderful life!"

Friday, September 02, 2005

A 'heroes of Narnia' update.

Shift, the voice of Aslan, taking a break from his difficult administration duties on his perch in the shed.

And his good friend Puzzle…
Meanwhile the author(Tash) is still thinking of what should happen next - I mean, what happened next in the story of the "Last Battle," and the final defeat of the evil Aslan.


Thursday, September 01, 2005

Faith based baseball team?

I found an interesting story about the Bo Sox’s on the Boston Globe's site. It was sort of surprising. I guess in a good way. Go read it for yourself. I would have never thought it.