All the news the New York Times "forgot" - to print

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

You might not want to do that...

A couple of days ago, Saturday night to be exact, my brother was strangling me for imitating Shift the ape from the famed Chronicles of Narnia. In which he (Shift) has this line that says "Now I hear some of you saying I'm an ape. Well, that’s not true! I'm a man! And if I look like an ape, it’s because I'm sooo old. And because I'm so old - I'm so wise! And because I'm so wise - I'm the only one Aslan will talk too."

Just as I finished my brother said something that amounted to "you lie like an ape!"

(As a note… All you out there who detest and abhor my Narnia from a ‘fair and balance view’ stories should cheer throughout this article for my brother. Who I guess you could say - is taking Aslan’s vengeance out on me.)

Of course being greatly moved by this touching statement of respect, I began to get out of the seat I was perched on, and head out for a strategic redeployment... But I never reached the door...


The next few minutes where a little confusing, as the battle raged back and forth with no clear dominate force in the brotherly scuffle until at last my adversary found my embarrassing weakness - I need to breathe. As he put on his bol-constrictor grip on, I could feel my heart rate slowing and my vision dimming. He still pulled tighter.

For me, literally I began to think in terms of life and death at this moment. I began to wonder if I died, who would update my blog? And other deep and serious thoughts like that.

But just when I thought I could live no longer, I received a second wind! And was able to loosen my opponents grip on me for just enough time to muster my strength, and solemnly warn my brother, "If you kill me. I will sue you for very much money."

The grip loosen 25%...

"Really," He said with a concerned look.

I nodded gravely, "jupp."

He got up, and walked away like a man who had just put all his life savings in Enron stock the day before the crash. I got up, and felt exhilarated! I won’t have to die tonight!.

Now, is that a good enough reason for not updating yesterday?

7 Comments:

Blogger DJ said...

Wow, what a story of titanic, epochal proportions!

Next time tho, you might want to start closer to 50%. That way you can bargain down if your opponent drives a hard bargain...

Wednesday, 14 September, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And there ends one more very regular day for Tash….

Wednesday, 14 September, 2005  
Blogger Rex Tyrannus said...

Great Scotty! Who was this beastly monster?

No doubt some wild Narnian animal must have escaped from the Wardrobe.

Wednesday, 14 September, 2005  
Anonymous Conrad said...

Yes, it was kind of interesting to observe, yet I still don't understand the thrill guys get in mutilating each other.

I guess the reason I could not tell it was that serious from across the room is because it takes operating lungs to make your case known ... it was a bit too quiet.

Wednesday, 14 September, 2005  
Blogger kate said...

hey, that was fun to read! Good job.

Thursday, 15 September, 2005  
Blogger Tash said...

Thank you all very much for commenting !

Bargain down? A regular day? Wardrobe monster? Mutilating thrills??
It must have been fun to read.:)

Thursday, 15 September, 2005  
Blogger The Phantom of The Opera said...

funny

Friday, 16 September, 2005  

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