All the news the New York Times "forgot" - to print

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Tash I am. THE RETURN. coming to a theater near you. July 45

Warning, this is an update.

There is nothing really going on that would be worth blogging about so I just decided to rant. So please do not take offence if I say that the Red Sox are comparable to Howard Dean. Because really, I believe, there are a lot of similarities between both of them.

1: Both do well when it doesn’t count. Howard Dean looked like he was going to run away with the Democrats primaries in the opening months of the election. Just like the Red Sox are looking pretty good right now. Some sports pundits even going as far as predicting the World Series score between them and the Cards.

2: “ YAAaaaaaaa!” Both have ample abilities to run off at the mouth when opportune. Curt Shilling’s “ You don’t see what we see.’’ comment about A-Rod was one of the wimpiest things I have heard all year. If you don’t like something about him just say what it is. Stop making ambiguous comments about him and either tell us his problem, or stay forever silent.

3: Neither is good at closing the deal. The Redsox's bullpen sure look's good. A 7.93 era is not really that bad considering that you only spend about a meager fifty million on it. Alan Embree, Matt Mantei , John Halama and Keith Foulke make the Tampa Bay Devil Rays late innings pitching staff look like perennial All Stars.( By the way. I went to when I heard Johnny Damon was caching up on the All Star balloting and voted against him five times.) Enough has been said of Howard Deans closing horrors.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Da Red [as in dead] Sox Lose

"So 1, 2, 3 go the Sox. And at the end of eight, it's 20 to nothing Yankees on the Yankees radio..."


Sunday, June 19, 2005

Which is Tash?

Friday, June 17, 2005

The world becomes more efficient

Self explanatory...

Hey, who put this in my sandwich?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Our wonderful state capital

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Plan Of Return

A Parody Of Bob Woodward’s Plan Of Attack

“You can fool all the people some of the time, Some of the people all the time, But you can’t fool all the people.’’ Abraham Lincoln

Plan Of Return

By Silas


Last week I was ordered to chaperone my sister to a production of the boring stage play Oklahoma. Although at first I had no issues with this mission, as I learned more, I became convinced that in fact our venture was in great jeopardy. We, my sister and I had virtually no plan to get home, to accomplish our vital mission. We, I believed, were in a quagmire.

Chapter One

South-Northern Ho!

(I will skip the first three pages and go directly to the part of the chapter where we are leaving the building where the play was being produced.)

After the practice, Connie and I walked out of the Arts and Other Junk building into the dark night. Looking back at the building as we waited to cross the street, I mentioned to her that “It sure looks like something out of Star Wars.’’ She agreed; as we crossed the street I asked her what was our plan to get home. Connie shrugged and answered blandly “the intelligence is here,’’ pointing down at her purse.

I questioned further, “but have you looked at it, the map. To make sure it is accurate.’’

Connie answered sharply, “of course! Why won’t we.’’

By this time, I was beginning to feel uneasy about the ‘Intelligence’ so I politely asked her to see it. “No, No, Never!’’ replied Connie throwing her hands up in the moon light lit night. She screamed, “It’s a slam dunk case!’’

We got into the car, the ignition clicked, the engine revved. “So’’ I said, “are you still sure you don’t want to look over the map. You know, review the intelligence.’’

Connie did not answer, she just pressed down harder on the gas peddle, looking blankly as we neared the highway.

“So there’s no turning back now, huh’’ I said calmly. Connie thought for a moment then answered softly but sharply, “are you with me or against me?"

I did not answer but instead muttered “The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry.’’ Connie either did not hear what I said or did not care because she showed no comprehension or basic reaction to my insight. We drove on.

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Saturday, June 11, 2005

Ted, the oldest dog on earth. He still believes Nixon is president, and the Watergate investigation is still going on�

Thursday, June 09, 2005

woooooooo... What should the caption say for this photo?

Friday, June 03, 2005

How to show your book to a Liberal. (if you must.)

Last night I was chaperoning my sister to the play Oklahoma in which she was playing viola. This was the second night in a row I had done this due to the back to back practices at night. The previous night during a fight scene a razor blade went flying into the musicians pit and hit a violinist. She was not hurt but all the buzz gave the play an element it had been lacking throughout; excitement!

The second night I sat outside the room the play was being practiced in and read Ann Coulters How To Talk To A Liberal (if you must.). There were also a couple of other book huggers (of by the way I am not.) reading as well. After about an hour of peaceful book reading another book aficionado came in our presence and demanded to see what books everyone was reading and if we would recommend them to read. Both of the ladies across from where I was sitting held up their books for her to see and she gave her facial approval. Both of the books where novels one of them being The Plot Against America. By this time I could tell that everyone in the room except for me where most likely liberals. So when it came my turn for the intrusive lady to ask”so what are you reading??’’ I didn’t know what to say. If I show them that I am reading Ann Coulters book they might just scratch me to death. And if I don’t show them it they just might scratch me to death anyways then and destroy the book. And then we would have to pay the library for it. What I ended up doing was I just kept thinking of the democrats’ motto for the last fourteen years, Tolerance, even for crazy people! I was hoping they where aware of that theme as I held bravely stuck up my book and said cheerfully “Don’t look.’’ Which of course is the wrong thing to say if you actually don’t want anyone to look, it just forces them to. Well you should have seen them react! They would have probably looked less surprised if I had turned into a jelly fish. All of their lips read "How Shocking! How Rude! How Intolerant!!"

(By the way, I did not get scratched to death and was very lucky Miss intrusive did not come later after I switched books to the evil study of microeconomics. (lady) "aaaaaaa! Get him! He’s a capitalist!!")