All the news the New York Times "forgot" - to print

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Pardon the interruption

Well, Well. I am extremely surprised that the Red Sox are still hanging around in the division race. With their constantly busting bullpen and off and on bats, and the fact that at any moment Manny being Manny could decide he’s tired and doesn’t want to play, I am surprised that they can even run-off a winning streak. Which leads me to use deductive reasoning that say simply this, 2 + 2 = 4, and Red Sox winning the division = a heartbreaking September. Bill Buckner, Aaron Boon… this year – Bill Muller? Mike Timland? A-Rod? So go ahead. Win the division. You can ‘believe’ all you want. Just wait…

Here’s my prediction – in a different way, a transcript of Joe and I can’t remember his name doing play by play for the ALCS game five Yankees Vs Red Sox. Let me give you the setting. The series has gone three to one to the Yankees. The stadium crowd at Fenway is glum but still hopeful as they jeer A-Rod who steps to the plate in the top of the ninth with Bernie Williams on third with the tying run and Jason Gimbi on first with the go-ahead run. There is one out. A female fan spills her beer over the green monster and begins a “Who’ss youuur daddy” chant which soon spreads around the park in earnest. Curt Shilling of fame and lore throughout Red Sox nation for spilling staining cranberry juice on has sock while filming a commercial for ‘Zips and Zinngges Zappy Cranberry Zuice’ (no carb’s or unnatural sugars added.) and pitching afterwards to get the win to Zip’s zelight has just come in to replace a rapidly declining Mike Timland who has just about blown the game. One word says it all as Curt kicks the mound - tense. As the batter and the pitcher look each other in the eyes they both realize that everything is on the line for them. A-Rod is he a real Yankee? Curt Shilling, well, will he lose to a man he despises?



[To be as accurate as possible for the next portion of this story the editorial staff at SNS news recommends that you place a clothes line pin on your nose as to replicate the Red Sox WEPI redsox radio network announcer’s Joe Clow, and ‘Whatever’ his voice accurately while reading aloud.]

Joe Clow: “And so the Red Scoks are willy in a jam now, with wunner’s on the corners and only one out here in the top of the ninth, Scoks leading 3 to 2.”

‘Whatever’ his voice: “The picth is a strike”

J.C: “Remember Scoks fans, the top of the ninth is an important part of the game-”

‘Whatever’ his voice: “a ball in the dirt. One and one to A-Rod”

J.C: “And so is your ‘gray matter,’ more than 5% of Americans”-

(Loud crack of a bat)

‘Whatever’ his voice: “Way back!”

J.C: “don’t know that they are losing gray matter every day-”

‘Whatever’ his voice: “She’s back by the coke bottles! She’s”-

J.C: call your doctor today; you may have a head case. The number is”-

‘Whatever’ his voice: “ gone! Oh what a”-

J.C. “8000 263”-

‘Whatever’ his voice: -Oh man! What a shot! And the Red Scoxs do it again. You had to expect it with the one, one count and- ”

J.C: “Would you stop interrupting me?!”

‘Whatever’ his voice: “Sorry.”(Muttering under his microphone: “nothing unusual going on, just the same old thing.”)

Awww… Chemistry, Chemistry…

14 Comments:

Blogger DJ said...

Lol!!!

Wednesday, 24 August, 2005  
Blogger Tash said...

Thanks Ryusoma. The whole post was a rambling that I typed out while my internet server was down last night. I was in a sarcastic mood needless to say.

By the way I wasn't thinking about your friend Zip when I made up ‘Zips and Zinngges Zappy Cranberry Zuice’ but if he wants to start a juice making company he's free to take the name.

Wednesday, 24 August, 2005  
Blogger DJ said...

You know, that isn't a half bad idea. I shall keep that in mind if either of us ever feels really entreprenurial :)

Thursday, 25 August, 2005  
Anonymous A-Lob said...

‘Zips and Zinngges Zappy Cranberry Zuice? Where's that from? Is it sort of like the same thing as 'Reverse the Curse' ice cream?

Thursday, 25 August, 2005  
Blogger DJ said...

Only 2.5 ahead now! HA...

Friday, 26 August, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stop rubbing it in. Curt Schilling is a good person. I did not think your article was funny. The Red Sox are God’s team.

Friday, 26 August, 2005  
Blogger Prince Caspian said...

2.5 games is the same as.. ummmmm.. like 4.5 games in real life. Ha!

I thought the article was very humorous!

Friday, 26 August, 2005  
Blogger DJ said...

Methinks a certian Anonymous person[not naming any names here, roflol ;)] needs to read their bible better.

*insert extremely inflammatory baseball remark here*

And I think that about sums it up :)

Friday, 26 August, 2005  
Anonymous A-Lob said...

I do not agree with Anonymous. The Red Sox are not God's team. Their Terry Franconia's team. Keep God out of baseball. It's to messy a sport.

Friday, 26 August, 2005  
Blogger Prince Caspian said...

Not a bad idea A- Lob. I just heard that the Rolling Bones have torn up the poor Red Sox field. Let us have a moment of silence........

Friday, 26 August, 2005  
Blogger Rex Tyrannus said...

God's team? Whew...I should avoid Fenway lest lightning should strike.

Friday, 26 August, 2005  
Blogger Tash said...

Auuaaa. Right Rex. At any moment God decided to blow up Fenway. So stay away! Further more Flee from the wrath to come! AAwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...Bbooooommmmmmmmm.....

Saturday, 27 August, 2005  
Anonymous A-Lob said...

I'm running!..

Saturday, 27 August, 2005  
Blogger Dem Soldier said...

Lool. Every game is huge right now, although I don't like both the sox and the yuckoo, I want the sox to win, and the A's to win the playoff spot.

Twins 4 ever.

Saturday, 27 August, 2005  

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