Plan Of Return

A Parody Of Bob Woodward’s Plan Of Attack

“You can fool all the people some of the time, Some of the people all the time, But you can’t fool all the people.’’ Abraham Lincoln

Plan Of Return

By Silas

Foreword

Last week I was ordered to chaperone my sister to a production of the boring stage play Oklahoma. Although at first I had no issues with this mission, as I learned more, I became convinced that in fact our venture was in great jeopardy. We, my sister and I had virtually no plan to get home, to accomplish our vital mission. We, I believed, were in a quagmire.

Chapter One

South-Northern Ho!

(I will skip the first three pages and go directly to the part of the chapter where we are leaving the building where the play was being produced.)

After the practice, Connie and I walked out of the Arts and Other Junk building into the dark night. Looking back at the building as we waited to cross the street, I mentioned to her that “It sure looks like something out of Star Wars.’’ She agreed; as we crossed the street I asked her what was our plan to get home. Connie shrugged and answered blandly “the intelligence is here,’’ pointing down at her purse.

I questioned further, “but have you looked at it, the map. To make sure it is accurate.’’

Connie answered sharply, “of course! Why won’t we.’’

By this time, I was beginning to feel uneasy about the ‘Intelligence’ so I politely asked her to see it. “No, No, Never!’’ replied Connie throwing her hands up in the moon light lit night. She screamed, “It’s a slam dunk case!’’

We got into the car, the ignition clicked, the engine revved. “So’’ I said, “are you still sure you don’t want to look over the map. You know, review the intelligence.’’

Connie did not answer, she just pressed down harder on the gas peddle, looking blankly as we neared the highway.

“So there’s no turning back now, huh’’ I said calmly. Connie thought for a moment then answered softly but sharply, “are you with me or against me?"

I did not answer but instead muttered “The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry.’’ Connie either did not hear what I said or did not care because she showed no comprehension or basic reaction to my insight. We drove on.