All the news the New York Times "forgot" - to print

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sox and Generals...

Above: A Red Sox Nation General mustering his troops

PETER NORTON of the Boston Globe has an amusing piece on Red Sox Nation's efforts to succeed from the union. Here's a sampling:

VOTING WILL get underway shortly in the New England states on whether to secede from the United States of America. The new country would be named Red Sox Nation and would comprise Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Rhode Island, and most of Connecticut.

Red Sox owner John Henry, who initiated the hastily organized referendum, said that he was not a sore loser. "This has nothing whatever to do with the defeat of yet another liberal Massachusetts politician with aspirations for national office. I'm just tired of living in such a bitterly divided country. My goal is to create a new nation where everyone can agree on something."

Polls show that 97.3 percent of people living within the borders of the proposed nation root for the Red Sox. Members of the New England Patriots football team and New England Revolution soccer team were quick to endorse the measure. Sales of bumper stickers, such as "Don't Blame Me, I'm From Red Sox Nation," have been brisk.

Senator John Kerry, a long-time Red Sox fan, said in a statement that he would vote for secession and would even vote to authorize the yet-to-be-elected president of the new nation to go to war if necessary. On the other hand, Kerry said that if there were a war, he would oppose it and vote to deny any funding whatsoever.

While Kerry has ruled out running for president of Red Sox Nation himself, numerous local politicians, sensing home field advantage, have formed exploratory committees, including Michael Dukakis, Howard Dean, Joe Leiberman, Niki Tsongas, Mitt Romney, William Weld, and half a dozen Kennedys. Political pundits, however, speculate that the top honor is most likely to go to a member of the Red Sox team

(Tash says the best is at the end).


Anonymous Rango said...

In the article, the "r's" in statements by the Rox Sox Nation citizens are notoriously absent (e.g. "car" = "caah"). Does anyone know the history of this liguistic pedadillo? My curiousity is boundless. I long to know the truth. Aye, my body and soul thristest after such knowledge....

Where's the English majors when you need them?

Sunday, 31 July, 2005  
Anonymous someone you do know! said...

Get over it! I didn't see any thing wrong. O.k?! Go somewhere else and insult other people.

Monday, 01 August, 2005  
Blogger Prince Caspian said...

There ant nothing wrong with are New England or Wwode Island English. We say are words wwite,Wwither in the caaw or on the wwode we use are english the wwite way.

Monday, 01 August, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You ant talking proper English.

Monday, 01 August, 2005  
Blogger DJ said...

Hmm, well, I can't say I want to be in such a small nation with Mass. It is bad enough being in the Big Ol US of A and having them right across the border, but as a part of a nation state? I would have to vote against it simply on those grounds...

Monday, 01 August, 2005  
Blogger Rex Tyrannus said...

Ah, the Tories are ever abounding. Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity. Go Red Sox!

By the way, Ryusoma, you don't have to hate the Yanks to be a Rex Sox fanatico.

Remember, it was the Tories who lost both king and country.

Monday, 01 August, 2005  
Blogger DJ said...

Rex, not in the circle of Redsox fans I move in :) It is like a pool of piranna's :)

Tuesday, 02 August, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the yakees link

Wednesday, 03 August, 2005  

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