The Empire Strikes Back

Wednesday morning a perplexing silence fell across Northeast America. Thousands of citizens picked up their morning newspapers and fainted on the spot. Several major firms across the world closed their doors to workers and suggested that their employs follow them in getting mental assistance. Small business everywhere hung up the “closed” sign before 7:00 AM opening hours, and owners who could not control their emotions could be seen weeping openly.

Johnny Damon had joined the Yankees…

Thousands of homeowners experienced power outages when a tractor-trailer slammed into a local electricity-transmitting center in lower Vermont. The reason cited for the accident - was the morning news.

Johnny Damon had joined the dark side…

By 10:30 (AM), the governors Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine had all declared in some form or another, of a state of emergency. Calls went out for FEMA for help. Looting and rioting (the worst of it in Boston) began. The National Guard, and shortly later an Army Corps tank battalion, were called up to attempt to stabilize the situation.

Johnny Damon had really joined the dark side!..

At 7:45 (PM, Wednesday), President Bush made a speech to the nation that on national TV. In it, he tried to assure Americans, and especially Americans in the Northeast states that he was on top of the crisis. He began his hastily written speech in saying, “America cannot imagine Boston without Johnny Damon, and Boston cannot imagine life without the Red Sox. We must rebuild the franchise; we must care for the fallen… Let me say this unmistakably, so everyone will understand. America must have a team that will have a payroll as high as the New York Yankees. Divided we stand, united we strikeout. Thank you…

Yes – Johnny Luke Antican Damon had betrayed the Rebellion for the dark side (plus 52 million bucks)… In the words of a great philosopher, “It’s a pity; such a pity.”…

Thursday morning the crisis is over. The Tank battalion and National Guard units have all been sent home. People are back at work, and somewhere children laugh and play. The streets are back to normal, again full of motionless traffic. On the exterior, it appears to be just another frigid, Northeast, December day. But something in 50% of the population of the Northeast America is different, maybe it’s the drunken man stumbling out of a bar and walking away without a spring in his step or a song in their heart. Or the maybe it’s the college student standing outside of his class room with a jar for donations so the Red Sox president/CEO Larry Lucchino can “afford to keep the players we still have.”

Something has changed. And whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to be affecting New York to much… Truly, today is not a happy day in Beantown. Poor Traitor Johnny has walked out.

It was his destiny... "HAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa!!!"