All the news the New York Times "forgot" - to print

Friday, December 02, 2005

American Xmas

I've always suspected that the left thinks America is the Evil Empire. Now I have proof.

The front cover of a recent issue of a leftist magazine, The New Rupublic (which I'm a subscriber to, I'm ashamed to admit), ran the following lead headline:

America isn't so bad after all?

Okay, I get it. America is obviously such an unredeemable civilization that it needs a final solution:


Implement a national, mandatory evacuation. Women and men, girls and boys, etc. must march for the borders. This exile is to begin on 12/24/2005 18:00:00 EST. Christmas tree lights should be left on, for reasons to be detailed shortly.


Throw open the borders to illegals. Invite in droves of foreign thieves, terrorists, and punks to storm the country, ravishing it of its wealth and Christmas presents. The lighted Christmas trees will serve as markers of the yet-to-be-unwrapped Xmas Xboxes.


After flying the Xmas-present-laden thugs out in plush corporate jets, nuke the country into the ocean. The first nukes should hit California, knocking it off into the Pacific. Then comes the state of Maine (Remember the Maine!). Chipping away gradually, every state is to be knocked over into the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean.

I'm trying to be open-minded about this whole thing, so any suggestions or ideas will be appreciated. Of course, the French have already done their part in this regard.


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Blogger Tash said...

Sounds great! We obviously need this plan if we (USA) are to redeem ourselves.

My suggestion is, make sure that we treat these like kings! Only the best for Mama Thug and Papa Thug!

Saturday, 03 December, 2005  
Anonymous blackstallion589 said...

Tash, good to know you're back!
Check out my blog when you get a chance, I updated a little.

Rex, very good plan! LOL!

Happy Blogging!

Saturday, 03 December, 2005  
Blogger DJ said...

I don't know, it sounds like a gov't conspiracy to hide other things to me. I won't participate! No, I won't! I shall guard the Christmas trees with my life!!!!!

Saturday, 03 December, 2005  
Blogger Tash said...

Calm down.... Trade your life for your Christmas tree? Ummmmmm.... you might want to rethink that. But please, please, please! don't be a closed minded person that believes in personal property rights. PLEASE. JuSt DON't. If you believe that you have the right to own anything then you’re Wrong! Dead Wrong! You have no right to own the mouse in your hand... Christmas is the time to give, and this year, we the Gov, will mandate and strictly enforce that everybody gives everything! And you can help us by staying calm and trusting big brother to do what’s right (I already know that you do).

Oh - and don't forget to leave your Christmas tree lights on.

Thank you!

Saturday, 03 December, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Talk about 1984!!!!

Saturday, 03 December, 2005  
Blogger blackstallion589 said...

LOL, What if we don't have a Christmas tree????

Saturday, 03 December, 2005  
Blogger blackstallion589 said...

hey my picture worked!!! I finally got it!!!!! LOL! I've been trying to get my picture next to my name for the longest time and didn't have the time to figure it out!

Sunday, 04 December, 2005  
Blogger Rex Tyrannus said...

Why the red nose? Are you in mourning already about your country's impending day of judgement?


Monday, 05 December, 2005  
Blogger Rebekah said...

Will justice will finally be served against the awful hordes of ignorant, redneck, flag-waving, littering, patriotic slime? We can hope now! You have thought up a brilliant solution! Onward!!

Wednesday, 07 December, 2005  
Blogger Tash said...


Wednesday, 07 December, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't really get it. but i'll guard the christmas tree with my life with 'ryu soma' (!) ha ha

Friday, 09 December, 2005  
Blogger Tash said...

Then I must say to you - good luck...
Resistance to this important plan is futile.

Friday, 09 December, 2005  

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