Beat the Press transcript July 18 2005

Beat the Press with guest Sandy Burglar.

Host of Beat the Press Tim Bussurt .’’Welcome one and all to the most watched show in the stratosphere Beat the Press; we’re so glad you could join us. Our guest today is the controversial and exciting former Secretary of State Sandy Burglar. Sandy, so glad you could be here.’’

Sandy Burglar ’’Oh, Oh, thank you Tim, I love to be on TV!’’

Host ‘’So do I!’’

Laughs

Host ‘’Ok, now I believe just about everyone has heard the story about how you allegedly

stole papers from the National Archives and snuck them out in your pants. That’s Fox

News story, what’s yours?’’

Sandy Burglar ‘’What! My- my- my story?’’

Host ‘’ Yes what really happened.’’

Sandy Burglar ‘’Oh what happened, I can tell you that. Ya- ya-ya, my story. Hmmm, which one?’’

Host ‘’WHAT?. Ok the most recent.

Sandy Burglar ‘’Ok-ok-ok. So one day I am just strolling around the Archives, just sort of hanging around doing nothing, when I remember.’’

Host ‘’Remember what?’’

Sandy Burglar ‘’Remember my wife wants me to go shopping and pick up some napkins. Because we’re out of them.’’

Host ‘’Mmhm, go on.’’

Sandy Burglar ‘’And I remember that I am so tired. I just don’t have the energy to make it to the store.’’

Host ‘’So what do you do?’’

Sandy Burglar ‘’I panic! And run up the stairs and grab all the papers in sight.(for napkins) And because I don’t have a bag to carry the papers, I use the next best thing.
Stuff them in my pants, as fast as I can.’’

Host ‘’And the rest is history.’’

Sandy Burglar ‘’Well I tried to tell the guard about my emergency, but hey you try making sense to those guys.

Host ‘’Last question sir, where did you get the idea to use sheet paper for napkins?’’

Sandy Burglar ‘’Oh we would use the daily national briefing for brunch napkins in the last administration. But today, people don’t use the same cost cutting techniques that we had five years ago and that’s really sad.’’

Host ‘’Well thank you for coming Sandy, its good to know that someone in this country
is being fiscally responsible. And coming up next Saddam speaks out against animal abuse; don’t move.