All the news the New York Times "forgot" - to print

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Piranha's, Ice, and the Plot to Ruin My Quatriple-Axle

It's a cold - well actually to be accurate - it was a totally freezing Thursday on the farm this afternoon. It was so freezing in fact the only thing - person or animal - outside were my two brothers the below frog and I. The frog didn't have a choice though so please don't question it's sanity. He's our guard frog. His name is Buda, and he can bit off intruders heads off like a dinosaur (so beware...). The main reason we're outside today though is not surprisingly enough to get frostbite. Peter and I are actually practicing our Olympic skating program....

Here I prepare to do my world famous Quatriple-axle jump

At the same time Aidan takes a walk over to us to tell me Nike(c) is on the line with my agent and wants to do a conference call about a potential endorsement

However... Very unluckily for Aidan - just as he gets close - I land my Quatriple-axle jump (it takes two minutes to land after jumping). The shock of my landing causes the ice to dissolves out from underneath Aidan and he plunges into the tropical water. I am left suffering emotional and mental distress as a result.

My first thought is to call my attorney and sue the company that installed the ice.... But then thinking better of it since no one actually installed the ice, it was just there, I decide to attempt to pull Aidan out of the water with the help of Peter.

The intensity gets wretched up a few dozen miles as Aidan resurfaces and reminds me that we have a debate tournament coming up in a few weeks and he's my debate partner. The look on Peter's face says it all... time is running - and we're running out of time.

Peter grabs Aidan's hand and with one powerful pull from me, myself and I Aidan is once again back, safely on the ice.

Strangely enough, Aidan was almost completely dry when we pulled him out of the water. Also he didn't get attacked or bit by even one Piranha when he was in the stream. Who would have thunk that?



Anonymous conrad said...


Thursday, 08 February, 2007  
Blogger Aaron S. said...

That's funny, I've never seen anyone do a Quatriple-axle jump with cleats. Come to think of it, I've never actually even seen a Quatriple-axle jump. I guess your picture of preparation will have to suffice, although it hardly looks any different from one of my "spirals." :)

Thursday, 08 February, 2007  
Blogger DJ said...

Now THAT was a heroic, awe inspiring story.

I am reminded that indeed there is a spark of greatness in ALL humans!

Rock On Brother!

Thursday, 08 February, 2007  
Anonymous Haydn Lewis said...

Awesome! Do you have any films? Or did the camera men fall in as well? ;-)

Keep up the hilarities!

Friday, 09 February, 2007  
Blogger RyanDE said...

Funny... If Nike wanted to do an endorsement with you, how come you were wearing Adidas?

Friday, 09 February, 2007  
Anonymous Haydn Lewis said...

That must have been really fun to shoot.

Friday, 09 February, 2007  
Blogger Tash said...

We actually didn't film anything - sorry - I know you'll are dieing to see what a Quatriple-axle jump looks like.

The Nike question.... I'm wearing Adidas right now because I currently have a contract with them to the end of the month. My agent has told me though that Nike may have a better deal so.... Notice - the gloves are Nike....

Friday, 09 February, 2007  
Blogger Coop said...

very... interesting

Friday, 09 February, 2007  
Blogger RyanDE said...

Ahhh... It's all so clear now.

Friday, 09 February, 2007  
Blogger Connie said...

I still haven’t been able to figure out what a quadtriple-axel jump is.
Can you help me!!!

Thursday, 22 February, 2007  
Anonymous Sarah said...


I'd forgotten about your blog until I began going through all my bookmarks, but this post took the cake today.

I want to see more of this!!!

Tuesday, 27 March, 2007  

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